10 funny one-liners
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
This girl rang me up one time, she says "come over, nobody is home", I went over, no one was home!
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.